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death of jerkiko [14 Oct 2004|09:52am]
ive started a new journal under the name trainyard_owl in light of recent changes of my personal landscape....add me if you wish
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radness` [03 May 2004|05:28pm]
started job
have a cold
met my exact twin
movin to vanhalen
can YOU tell me how to wallpaper??
organ trail plays this 100year old church on sats...complete with old wagon wheels, a 16mm projector, and a sun bleached cow skull on my organ
i need to get my license...any tips?
am exicted for summer
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[03 May 2004|05:23pm]
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transmission [24 Apr 2004|07:37am]
leap year...
moving to vancouver very suddenly...
being good...
am revelling in my aloneness...in the sprouting of seeds sewn, and forgotten about...
fuck doubt...
lee renaldo @ sparticus changed my molecular make up...
(the one potent moment comes to mind: hes standing on a chair rubbing the strings of his distorted guitar against the wall, and ceiling...the window is open, the city is an insturment he plays with. the head of his guitar reaches a spot, then he takes his hands away, so it is left floating...sits down, and reads a poem that gives colourful apocalyptic imagry...an ambulance fades in and out, like it was rehearsed, and we all looked out the window, and sighed and soft sigh)
i am exicted about crazy new life, tho the technicalities have yet to be worked out...
my new house is old, and has a deck that is so big, they have turned it into a roller rink
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things are nice [16 Mar 2004|05:51pm]
well many people have come back into my life, that ive missed so much..and love so much....i am so inlove with everyone i know, and feel so grateful to have the friends that i do.

an old friend called the other night, one of the most important people of my entire life....it filled my heart with the antique light of memories and i am beaming in his presence.

im considering moving to france or spain to be an aupair...my friend jessie just came back from doing it, and aliceflight is there now, and all stories of the adventures over seas sound delectable

i feel stagnant in the lower mainland, and need a change of scenery

i feel ready to explode my life right open and hopefully spread the flecks of the good stuff from underneath my rib cage on all those close to me...and even some that arent.....

im gonna make some wierd hip-hop beats soon
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[12 Mar 2004|06:02pm]
woo! 2nd day riding BMX and i dropped in on the quarterpipe...i never thought doing things your mind tells you is wrong could be so much fun!
in other news im seriously happy.
now back to your regular broadcasting.
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[09 Mar 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | restless ]

today i rode to mission on my own...i was out for five hours and my body hurts and my mind feels a little better.the sun was glaring and i read on the muddy shores of hayward lake...it was good to spend some quality time out of a 5 mile radius of anyone else....hermitting is seeming like a lovely option right now.

im reading howard bloom's the lucifer principle and a holographic universe


http://www.earthportals.com/hologram.html#zine please excuse all the "conscious e zine crap" its worth the read

ive been restless with how much i acually dont know....restless and accepting...i feel like im in an emotional limbo and am revelling in not really feeling much of anything....lissa your constucted heart entry....well mine just feels plain empty, and its a nice change from the everyday

i guess thats it...

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It Was a Night of Firsts [09 Mar 2004|01:08am]
It was the first time i rode a BMX and fell in love with being in midair
It was the first time i knew i would break up with him because
It was i truly wanted to be alone...i had insessant boy/girlfriends since grade 8 and had lost myself some where along the way
It was the first time i had changed my direction of focus...i'd always looked outward, my research done in the world outside my skin, thus my love for other people, cities, sex and the various skylines i pass through
it was the first time i wanted to delve into worlds on the other side of my skin b/c
it was the first time i let go of all the toxic connection to the past
It was the first time i skated the moody park
It was the first time someone carved my name next to thiers
It was the first time he said that he loved me
timing, really isnt everything then, i guess...
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saaallllaaaad queeeeeeeeeen! [05 Mar 2004|08:08am]
what youll need
balsamic vinager
udos oil (omega fatty acid blend that is effing so good for you)
olive oil
spinach (i like the bag kind)
yellow/orange or red pepper
strawberrys if in season

k this salad is so effing good...and so effing food for you, and will probly help out yr body in a time where its stuggling to heal itself:
1 part olive oil
1 part udos
1.5 parts balsamic
1 clove of gargar chopped hella fine
a lump of brown sugar, that you should adjust to your taste
put all in little jar and shake like a mutha fucka
preheat oven in 350...throw in almonds on a tray for about 20 min...checking to see if they are roasted enough (when you bite into them they are a mid-tone brown and do not taste burnt....bring em out and put into a bowl...throw 1tbsp of olive oil and a good amount of sea salt
now throw all yer spinach / peppers / strawberrys in together put almonds and feta on top and then the dressing...

this salad is addictive and when served with some bread will be a very sufficient meal

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radio fantastic! [29 Dec 2003|05:47am]
favorite new radio show: "tins of light" at http://www.chly.fm/
sunday nights at 530?

i have a small history with this nanaimo based radio station...it all started when alissa, lola nd i ventured out onto my parents sail boat armed with a long weekend 's worth of good music to feast our ears on....but alas, when we arrived there the cd player was broken, and we were left only with the radio....i lamented at the inevitable weekend of adult contempo and bad talk radio...untill alissa proved one of her many talents was being a random radio DJ!! (DEEEPEEE BABY!) we stumbled upon this magical little jem of a station that would play the perfect music at the perfect time....a old shcool funk show playing james brown just as the sun came out, some slow succulent jazz as we feasted on the oysters we picked earlier that day...some sleepy post punk, as we rolled out the sleeping bags and dried ourselves of from the drunken little midnight "swim" we took.....and now....again....:

id just come home from a beautiful day outside...bouncing around cliff park....i was still flushed from the invigorating cold....eased into my chair, smoked a joint with my brother and turned it on....holy eff, some of the most intellecualy stimulating, independent, local music ive ever heard...
i cleaned my room to this amazing song complete with samples of cameras taking shot after shot after shot (a definite mr.pants kinda song)....i got up the courage to phone in and ask what it was, and this really soft boy who hosted the show told me it was the 'golden calves money band' from NY....we went on to talking about organ trail, my new hobo band...he was really interested, and said that he could get us shows in naniamo...we excanged emails, and said our good byes and the next song he played was this amazing old country from the 30's...all twangy and soulful...and after that a great band with the lulling organ...then some gypsy music....he came back on, and mentioned how he "cant wait to hear organ trail out of maple ridge BC" it was really warm and nice and i really love my band

and we all lived happily ever after making lots of art
the end
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what would i do.... [29 Dec 2003|02:19am]
last night came home drunk from a local show...i found myself seriously crushing on someone(we sill call him mr.X), even though i know it would never happen, and i would never act on my impulses....
i got home, turned on the computer and ms.bliss gave me some amazing insight....she said somthing along the lines of "well what qualities do you see in mr.X that you are lacking in your current relationship?" and there it was...everything i had been pushing to the back of my head, pretending that we could survive with out things like the silent mental connections, the valididy of my belief in nature...the acknowledgment of our relationship on a more soul based level...i had always had these things....it was too physical, too pretend.

and i was sitting here, drunk and a little teary thinking really hard about what i was going to do....i moped into my bathroom to brush my teeth, to fall asleep alone for the first time in a while, as he sleeps over everynight, and we had decided to take a night off....then as one of my favorite songs came on the stereo my door opened....he just silently walked strait in to where i was standing, put his arms around me and we danced really slow, our foreheads touching and arms wrapped so tightly around eachother, i was sure osmosis wasnt too far away.....

we acknowedge that we are not in love, and thats ok...its nice not to have that ideal to have to stive for...and even though i pine for the things that were abundant in past relationships, when things like that happen....when he just looks at me....that when i start to tell my spoiled self to shut the eff up and enjoy the beautiful things that ive been blessed with in my life

now off to play in the woods with alissa in the sunshine...woo!
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[28 Dec 2003|06:22am]
well it looks as though fo new years, as much as i want to party down in the shitty, and thorouly intoxicate myself with perhaps more than one substance, i will be going right into the middle of butt fuck no where BC with the bf. his friend has this cabin that is boat acsess only on harrison lake, and about 10 of us are going...albiet, these friends of his are not the most exictable people (and maybe ill dare to say the exact opposite of me) i am really craving nature, and feel all fucked up because i havent spent much time outside as of late....except for snowboarding, but im used to spending the whole day outside, escaping the stale air, and enclosed space of house, car, factory, car, house. ahhhh our society in a snapshot......i cant wait to meet the challenge of finding somthing that will fuffill me in my life....i guess most would call it a career, but it doesnt seem that sticky...(i think im going to adventure tourism school in oz, and take people into the jungle for a living)...i have hope, and am pretty sure i create everything in my life, so im tryin out some new tactics....resolutions mayhaps? one is to be waaaay more sure of myself...its easy, confidence...acting carfully and deliberatly, without egotistical rantings coulding my mental frame....to be more clear, and open with people, and learn how to co-exist with all the lives around me.

whoa, got a little off track there....so yeah, harrison it is....where i will spend warm hours in that space where we meet....somwhere in the middle of all our doubts and worries....he is really good at just letting things go where they will, and not pushing anything....a serious catch, but...there will always be a butt


happy whatever...winter everyone

ps i think christmas might just be a satanic holiday.
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boyfriend roadtrip music [25 Dec 2003|12:36am]
k guys, need your help here....im going on some major roadtrips with the bf, and he has absolutely no music in his car.....sooo....
i wanted to know, what your all time most rockin road trip hits are....i need somehitn to drive fast to, something to admire the scenery too, something to rest my head on the shoulders of nice bearded boys to......

ok kids, gimme your best!
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[ mood | curious ]

im painting many many fucked up portraits right now! they are great...realism blending with more light, colour, life and wierd things like burning dumpsters, and anime shooting stars....if you are an interesting person that wants a portrait, or know of any interesting people that would be fun to paint, send them my way.....i gladly accept barters, as im just building my portfolio for aussie land....im hoping to get an apprenticship with a painter there....im feeling very inspired again....ive started to smoke alot more weed, and cant wait to snowboard by myself all the time

but: im really starting to notice more and more, the strucure of fear that capitalism depends on......fear is really good for our economy, and this really disturbes me...even more when i catch the voice of my mind telling me these same things....all i want is to be free from the domestication of my mind...the advertising shoved down my eyes...the neural marketing when i catch some commercials on the tv....free from thinking i depend on the excessive comforts that cost the other inhabitants of our world so much........free form the thoughts that i am worthless, and incapable.....because our potential is far to great, and can do far to much harm to this consumerism weve come to call our lives

recommended readings:
thomas berry, a great work
kika and hibinka,off the map(zine distributed by crimeth inc.)
go to www.crimethinc.com/

ive been liking more and more the idea of anarchy, even though it does seem like more of a nice thought than anything practical....maybe if we didnt have this inherent mode of being that thinks we have to fuck people over, in order to survive......i like the idea of community,a nd cant wait to find one of my own.

i think, ill go bake my mom and birthday cake now, and get drunk of cheap red wine.

oh happy saturday everyone

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[11 Sep 2003|08:56am]
thanks to all those who left comments on my last entry...really helping me alot...this really feels like the thing to do, and i love it when all of you reflect that truthness

*laura cut my hair way to short and mom like...im trying not to care...lissa?
*blaker is driving me to the ferry tonight to spend the weekend alone in vic....with david blaikie...and stay in a beautiful loft right downtown with some long lost friends simon and leah
*blake and i have found a secret in eachother...something that we are expiriencing for the first time...he is very kind...and i am very thankful
*ill be back on sat...which is ma birthday...anyone up for some adventures in campfiring??
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[09 Sep 2003|08:28pm]
new loves
old loves
little rockets
taking off

so im going nuts

im thinking of going to see a huna man in victoria for the weekend of my birthday....hes the only onw who has a positive outlook about this concussion business...id like to be on the road again...in this autumn glory....i havent been able to leave all summer...anyone heard what the weather will be like??? anyone have any comments to add about spending your birtday alone???
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[30 Aug 2003|11:11am]
serious love....thats all i can say

and its rad
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[24 Aug 2003|08:08pm]
so i've realised i have 3 garbage bags worth of clothes and things that i "could maybe wear/use one day" and want to effin get rid of it all! must simplify...

clothing/stuff swap meet anyone?

im thinkin wends, or thurs...
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heh...hehheh [23 Aug 2003|02:50pm]
[ mood | calm ]

life has been too intense for words...

*thailand trip canncelled due to aversion to travelling with dramatic peoples....instead will save untill feb...go for longer, with a better person for me... and spend my favorite seasons here to wear scarfs, go to mountains, and love the fog around halloween....im super exicted....mmm damn that fog
*broke up with camp b-friend...a situation that turned out to be verychill and wonderful, and im lucky to still be friends with such a rad person
*work = bliss...at staff party, got pissed and rode laying on the roof of a golf cart watching the sillouettes of trees against blue...summers ending, and this time of year...when all the fruits ripen...everything is lush and tastes golden
*have met a serious best friend....i felt really alone all through out my teenage years...but i know it was just all in my head, and now that im growing out of my stupid sad illusions, ive been handed a major effin treasure...hes a boy who is so open, genuine and hilarous...i have to stop driving so i can laugh, and not have a major crash accident....we talk, and he comes over just to cuddle with me because we are both going through very intense times right now....his dog died, and mine....:
*a really good person...whom ive come to know again....who i look up to in a huge way...tried to shoot herself in the head 2 nights ago....didnt try...did....but closely missed her end...shes living....in the hospital...is talking, so thats good...people were worried about brain damage...they still dont know...but holy fuck...im shaking, and cant type about this anymore........ crystal...i love you, and am really fucking glad your alive.
*i heart blackberries....and hammocks.
*...so many changes....but things are moving...progressing, and i am so thankful to be living my life...and knowing who i know...exsuse me while my chest explodes

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SUPER FUN DANCE PARTY? [09 Aug 2003|11:22am]
[ mood | energetic ]

plans are once again flying up in the air, above me head

so....its raining....i had a whole down town day planned...but...
its so cosy in my house right now...i just want to clean....my brother has stolen the car...and the most vital part of the equation: my parents are outta town


my house is home to the dopest dance floor, since its raining, most of the noise will be contained to the indoors...if you feel the same rumbling in your bones, and live in the greater vancouver area (im out in maple ridge)...post a message...i only want this to go off, if it can go off awesome! and the more danceable people the better it will be

and if you cant make it....i need any suggestion of rad ass dance hits from ALL eras cuz im makin some killer mix Cds

jenna: we could still go downtown for a while if you want...youd problee have to make it out to the ferry tho (brother, sorry) and lissa is still in bed....but id REALLY like to hang out before you leave, and i leave and we dont end up hanging out for like a million years...if you wanted to come tonight...i could possibly find you a ride for you and some friends,,,,brew it over, and talk to me later...<3

i love the rain

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